R. Hampton Memoriam

I didn´t even know your guestbook was still up, want you to know that we all love and miss you so very much! I can only imagine what life would have been like for you now, so many years later. You now have so many of our loved ones in eternity with you, hope you are having a great reunion. Love you so much and one day will be able to give you a big hug!

The pain of you not being here grows by the day. My heart is broken. You were such a big part of me, I'll never get over the fact you are gone. Time doesn't heel this wound, it is like a knife going only deeper into my soul. I needed you in my life. May you be at peace.....I only know that I am not......Uncle Brian

17 years came and went, seemingly in the blink of an eye. I miss you, bro. Between the Air Force and the parts shop we had a lot of laughs. We haven't forgotten about you. I don't think I ever will.

It's been 13 years and it still hurts as much now as it did then. My dearest you are missed more than words can express. I love you always and forever

My Beautiful child of God,

You are on my mind every waking moment, each time I wake in the night or wee morning hours and all day long.

I wrote here in Jan and early Feb but do not see my post. Thinking the legacy book would have expired.

How wonderful, I see your uncle has come to feel in touch with you too. He is so right,indeed you are sorely missed. My heart still shattered as if it were today.

I so love and miss you. And now Nicky is home it feels like you will soon be too. In my mind it seems like him you were just stationed far away. He is not whole without you and Chris here too. We will join again, you planted a seed when just 14, he knows now its not too late like he told me at first. Your planting is growing and how proud I am and know God is also very proud of you too, a soldier for JC. Amen

Love, Mia

Hey Matthew
It's been more than 5 years now. No one is any better off without you. You will be forever in my Heart! I love and Miss You Dearly! Good Bye Buddy!
Uncle Brian

Wow this thing all went away when I was trying to edit. Botton line is I miss you terribly. Oh presious Matthew you meant the world to so many. I have a thousand memories. I really enjoyed the things we did like the camping, boating weekend, doing gardens for food and flowers out front. Fishing and you would be so proud that the entire meal was provived by your garden and trout. painting inside you would do while your sister was out and be so proud as you had it all together before she came home hoping she would notice. The things you built with just a hand saw and hammer! Your conversations and all you were eager to share from Young Life, your Christian school,camp and more. I know you loved your Lord and were so proud and ready to talk about scripture. You were so amazing and I was always so proud as you know I wrote. I found the birthday card and note you kept out from Oct til January, you clearly were proud to read those words. I have your clock/gift Christmas of 1999 about prioroties. You understood so much so young, and yes in deed your were the prioritiy. Of course our Lord you made the reason for your choices when you use to say and wear the bracelet WWJD? I recall as a teen you would ask me to print the TEN Commandments and you would tape them on your bathroom mirror. So proud to show all how much you love Jesus. What a
beautiful child of God my sweet boy.You so so wise and so
young. Oh how much I love and miss you. You left the most beautiful memories. So many only I know, hope someone would like me to share someday. So many my love! I love you Mia

I pray your page will be here this week and that we renew this page. i wrote to you and then lost it during edit. I will be back to talk to you my angel. I hope this remains long enough this month to renew. Many others like to come here and talk to you , about you or to us who remain behind that miss you terribly. Thank you to all have Never Forgotten our Matthew and left kind words here. I miss him as much to day as January 2007. Life here forever changed. May God have his loving arms wrapped tenderly around our Matthew.

Linda & Michelle,
Love & Prayers To You, Barbara & Chris Chisholm
October 10, 2010 Sunday

Its nearly your birthday. All I have been able to do is send up balloons with lil note and watch them float up to heaven. I will always celebrate you my love. Oh how much I miss you. You could never imagine how much I love you. How many and who misses you. I ache so much for you. I can only hope you are busy doing God's work and of course know you would never return. I love you my angel

I have not been to sit at your sight for a while. I know your not there but it is a place to sit and reflect as I gaze upon the front range (your play ground and area's of work) You just couldn't imagine how much you are missed and time has not made a difference. Every waking moment you are the first and last thought on my mind. My heart aches so bad still. I love you my angel. I miss you so so much. Your friend Brian A. family said 15 yrs later and still the loss of Johnny is so painful. I feel like it was just yesterday and cannot imagine in 15 years if I am around what my heart will feel like. It is still so raw. May you be doing Gods service and hopefully have met your brother. He would be 36 this year! I hate that you are not here , so many people were empacted that you would never imagine my love. Oh God I miss you. I love you, forever my beautiful boy.

Yesterday was the 1st day of summer.
Never will get over losing you. Time
has no meaning, and life has forever
changed. Sure wish you were here, we
really needed YOU in all our lives. A
void that only you could fill, has
ripped a hole through my very soul..
Forever on my mind!

Memorial Day is now here. I love that the Vet's go to your sight and leave momento's this time of year. I know and all your friends how proud you were to serve, your Veterans plate, your POW/MIA plates, flags and bracelet. Your buddies and I try to keep up your traditions. I miss you so much my angel. At age 11 when you gave us the rules on how to display the flag out front, when to take it down, how to get rid of the tattered. You were an old soul in a young mans body, so mature. I miss you my little man. Today friends were talking about the projects we use to do when you were only ten years old. That awesome lemom aid stand, your screen door you made with a hand saw and made it as good or nicer then a purchased one. The jobs for realtors doing unkept lawns and what a handsome fee you rec'd, such a little business man you were. I loved your gardening with me, you were so smart and went out of your way to learn all you could. What a wonderful yard/garden we had food and flowers. I miss so much about you angel. I simply just miss you and all the wonderful memories only I know from your birth. You left so many people with such fond memories my love. I was so proud as we all shared your legacy today. I appreciate it when others don't talk about the loss rather allow me or share in celebration of your beautiful life. You and Nicky left my ribs aching for days for all the laughter in the house from 13 to 19. We sure had fun day and night. I was laughing how you would say "kidnap us after PPCC so I can take Nick to YL" He really didn't like it at first but shared with me how glad now he is for what you shared and gave him doing YL. I am in awe how many you witnessed (touched) to that tell me now. It explains all those late nights you challenged me by asking whre to find scriptures. It all makes sense now as I hear from your friends. You sure were a special person my love and I love that others are coming to me sharing stories about you. Oh I could ramble on here forever but I need to stop. I am just glad I can go somewhere and feel like I am talking to you. I love and miss you so much my love. See you at your garden this weekend my love. Loving and missing you forever.

My sweet baby boy, its almost mothers day in a couple days. I got out your pics,cards and found three mothers day cards. Baby I miss you so so much. I will sit with you after church for mothers day.

I miss you so so much my baby. Love, mother

I wonder if I can still drop you a note. I miss you and think of all our special Easter moments and how much you shared scriptures with others and challenegd me to study mine. I miss and love you my angel.

I miss you so much my angel. I was so happy to find I could still write to you on here. Oh my sweet boy I really really miss you. Never will I "move forward" "get over it" (as some have advised)I know I have to learn to manage, but oh sweet Matthew I LOVE AND MISS YOU SO SO MUCH.

I'll never get over losing you. You are on my mind. Miss you buddy! Think
of you EVERY DAY. I LOVE YOU!

Wow I was able to get on here two days in a row!! I visit your sight after church today. How ironic yet again right after I left Evergreen Rascal Flats played your song. And then as I passed your old street another of your songs played! I guess you were sending me a little valentine love. Oh I miss you terribly my love.

I've been reflecting many memories overnight. We sure had some special times didn't we? I am so glad to have you in my life and all that we shared. I just cannot believe where has the time gone? What very special things we shared. Oh I so wish I could wrap my arms around you, that you could give me one more breath taking squeeze. Or you ask for another long back rub. Or that today I could be cooking one of your favorite meals for you , or for you to share for someone else again. Oh I just miss anything that we have shared over your life time. Glad to be able to log in once again and talk to you.

Missing you so very much. I love you my angel.

Mother

Been a while but had to get here and say I LOVE YOU so much my funny little Valentine.

I miss you so so much my angel. I just rec'd a new bible with larger print, guess I will be retiring yours or at least keeping it for references and to see all the things you or I have marked in there. You sure shared his word more then I ever knew. Thanks for all the challenges my love.

Keep on sending me your little signs I know you are there. I love you TUFFY.
Mother

Today a really rough date. I wanted to come be with you but I guess my body had other plans. I am again in this 12 mo period spending time with all the staff at memorial. I felt real bad all day as the date was written down so many time just crushing to think about. I actually had a very nice lady come in and spend time just talking about our truly precious
Matthew. You really touched so many in your time here, hope you knew that. I guess I didn't have to go to your site to be with you. You are always in my heart. I will be there to clean up your little garden soon as I can get out of here. Today I walked by the nursery, thought of you and how you survided against all odds. Of course I knew that from the start. I wanted to go in and look at the preemie albums for you. So perhaps before I leave I will go in there and tell the mothers they have much more hope 27 yrs later and new technology. I miss you my angel so so much. I will go back to my room and reflect on the time you and I spent at Memorial. This place sure has the mother /son history. Smile down upon us my angel. I love you so much.
Mother

My angel I sat with you Sunday . there were a Many people in your lot this week. I sat a while on your bench and then was so cold I just pulled the car close to your sight and reflected our many memories. Unable to sleep a couple days, you are always on my mind and always in my heart. Reflecting on you from birth to 24, so so many things to recall. I was thinking about you, Sadie and I having ground picnic's after school at Parlimnent pond. You loved Subways and Fazzolie's. We took a sleeping bag, food, the dog and your fishing pole. You were so patient and insisted there were fish there. How could I take our time away? I knew and tried to tell you there were no fish but after a while it was just fun and something you loved to do. I was thinking about our camping trip when the tornado took you and I down the beach in our tent. You laughed so hard. I loved your infectious laugh and miss it so much. Oh our last day and night you laughed so much as we were driving your truck crazy in Monument on all that snow. You were so sure you were going to scare me, but I grew up doing the same thing so how could I tell you not to? You were having so much fun. Oh I miss you so so much. Forever in my heart-No one can take your place.

I love and miss you so much.

"Mother"

I so loved that's how you addressed me since about age 7

Happy New Year, sweetie!
My computer was down over Christmas (got a new one for Christmas) so I could not write the many things I was thinking about you, especially when I came and went to Parker over the holidays and how you and I talked your last Christmas Eve so many times about how bad the roads were when you were on your way from Laramie. I just miss and think about you so much... I can't help but wonder what you would be doing now, married, kids, where you might be living. You could never know how special you were to so many people. January is such a gloomy month now for all who loved you and who miss you so dearly. I just wish I could make you a cup of coffee and sit on the bar stools the way we did the last time you were at my house. I pray for healing and peace for all of us that miss your smile so much. You were and always will be my boy:-)

Hey Matt, just me again. It has been almost 5 months since I wrote you last
Another year has come and gone, but the void in my heart and soul is just
as big. I can't get over losing you, and suppose I never will. I Love and Miss You Dearly Matthew.!!!!

Every Sunday sitting far away from where you last rested. Much has changed since you attended. Nothing can erase the memories, the tears until that day in heaven when we will meet again. There are No words for the void, the heart aching to such extreme. (I am sure you are watching and you know). Christmas has come and gone yet again . I especially can't wait til January has passed and the warmer season you loved so well has sprung. I have a million memories rushing through my mind and no one to listen or share all your beautiful stories only we knew. Oh how greatful I am to have so many memories. I miss you so very, very much. Forever my love

It's almost mid-July and summer is in
full swing. I can't get into it at all
Life goes on in this seemingly endless
haze. You were such a big part of me!
I will never get over losing YOU! I'll
talk to you later, just me.

Everything is finally turning green, but
can't help feeling blue. I would give any-
thing to see you again. Forever on my mind,
I MISS YOU!!!!!

Another month has passed, yet my heart
still aches for you. SO many broken dreams,
so many lonely days, a void that can never
be filled. You are on my mind. Just, Me

Hey Matthew
Was thinking about when we went to the
range, I haven't been back since. I sure do
miss you kid, I think of you EVERYDAY!!!
I Love You, Uncle Brian

Dearest Matthew
Only God Almighty knows how my heart
aches for you. I love you, I miss you.
Uncle Brian

Hi Brother!

Been thinking about you like crazy lately! I miss you and wish that things could be different! I hope you are at peace....

Love~ Mewee

Mat,

I still remember you as this young kid, that had all these great plans for a future, it was a sad day when your mom called, telling us your life was taken short. I hope that you've found peace. You were and are loved.

The Gates Family

Hey Mathew
Just to let you know I am constantly thinking of you, miss you TERRIBLY,
Love Always, Uncle Brian

My precious son,
I can't describe how empty it feels with you gone. I look forward to that day we all meet again.

Your abscense is not getting any easier with time. It is so very hard for so many yet.

Easter is upon is and I marvel at God to give up his only son for you and me. I weep on Good friday and celebrate on Easter Sunday. How I wish you were here too. Some are strugglung I am sure just as much maybe as I am, others seem to be able to hold back tears. You cannot imagine how many times a day my flood gates open hard as I try to fight them back. You are so loved my angel and missed so very very much.

Dear Matthew,
This will probably be the last time I write in this book before it goes off line. I miss you terribly and think about you every time I go back and forth to Denver when I pass through Castle Rock. It was Christmas Eve, which was to be your last one. I was on my way to Parker and you were driving down from Laramie and it was a near blizzard. It was so funny because you kept calling me for updated road conditions and the road construction in Castle Rock made driving tricky. I kept looking for you and praying that you would make it safely. I counted on my bill that we talked 14 times that night. You were afraid of getting in an accident and weren't sure that you should even continue, but it was Christmas and you wanted to be with family, so with prayer and your careful driving, you finally made it and called me when you got here. I was very relieved and thankful. Now every time I pass that spot in Castle Rock, I remember our conversations and your beautiful smile and loving personality. If I drive that stretch of road for another hundred years, your memory will always be with me at that exact spot. I like to think it's because you are thinking about me at that time, too.
I love and miss you so very much, my little sweetie and I look forward to having a cup of coffee with you when we are reunited.
"Aunty"

My beautuful son.

Today, one year since your body was layed to rest. It seems so recent to me. I can only find one comfort in that you are at peace. Many of us who remain still find no peace in your absence. You are missed so very much as you were so many things to so many people. I wrote on your homepage as so many others do. I guess there it is easier for them to to go to your page to talk to you. There is no way to embellish what you had accomplished and YOU were so proud of. Your writing's tell so much more and some helps me and some just makes me feel more sad knowing what you hoped for and felt. I thought I could do better this morning (you know my heart and my sorrow). However I also hold much pride and joy for you. I am so greatful for the blessing to be your mother in particular, and against all odds of surival. But he gave me assurance and comfort in a prayer the 2nd day of labor and that was a peace and promise I was positive as the holy spririt spoke. God blessed me with such a beautiful son and person. I know our children are only on loan a while. I had just hoped to have you in all our lives long after you were an adult. I will never stop making your legacy and presence on this earth known while I have a breath in me, YOU will NOT be forgotten. I am proud of the fine son I was given to raise. And of course for your sibling and all the others you two brought home to share in our family. A lot of joyful memories in spite of my present sadness.

I will always love you, my beautiful boy. I listen to that song over and over about "my beautiful boy". It puts chills through me yet reminds me of your life from the start and the songs we would sing or listen to. I am so so lucky to have had you for my child. So lucky we had the man above to provide our every need. I was going to close and a memory of one of our vacations when you were three just rushed in. I am laughing about that trip with you and then another camping, boating and fishing trip at age 11 we had in that tornado. What a blast we had on that beach blowing about in our tent. You leave 1000's of memories to still laugh about as you did in person. You are still my sunshine sweetheart. I love you very much.

I LOVE YOU MY MATTY!!!!

My Matty,
Your on my mind a lot tonight....I miss you so much..thinking about all the times we spent together, you calling and Keira buggin me every time to talk to you!!! O Matty...I remember meeting you and all the guys at cowboys of course the only place to hang out in the springs when you are under age...That was the hot spot.. I had wonderful times with you that I will never forget...I remember you getting me the job with Val when Keira was only a couple month old..How the times fly, She will be five in less then a month.. I recall us talking about how Keira was growing up so fast and we where getting old..oh yeah and every time we took Keira to eat I would try to make her get ready for an hour you would walk through the door and tell her to get ready and she always was in 5 minutes or less... I miss all of the time we had shared but am greatful to have had that time with you!! Matty I love you so much and miss you more and more as the days pass.. I always thought we would go our different ways when you moved to Mass. but we kept in contact the hole time.... I remember calls from you that seam like they where yesterday... my Matty I love you!!
Peppermint Patty

My dear Matthew,
On your one year anniversary, we all went to the cemetery and lifted signed balloons in the air to you. Hopefully at least one of them made it to you so you know how very much we all miss you. This has been a very difficult year to get through and we have each suffered in our own special way. I miss you telling me that I was the best aunt in the whole world and sitting at the breakfast bar having coffee or french toast for breakfast the way you did the last time I saw you. So many special memories but too little time to make even more. I made lasagna today for dinner because I know it was one of your favorites and wished you could be here just one more time to make everyone smile and to get one more big hug from you:-) You are and always will be so special to me!! I hope to see you in my dreams, Sweetheart. I love you so very, very much!!!
"Aunty"

Tuffy,
I cannot express how much I miss you at this very moment! Yesterday was hard for me because I was driving down route 28 in Salem and was remembering one of the last conversations we had. I am sorry for all the pain you must have had built up inside to feel like you had no other choice, if only we could turn back the clock and help you more........ I know everyone says it, but I really cannot believe any of this is real! It seems like the longest bad dream ever! I MISS YOU TERRIBLY little broder! Keep us safe and healthy! I love you FOREVER!
Mewee

Dear Matthew,

It’s been a year since you left us and it really doesn’t get easier…in fact some days are worse now then they were when we first found out you were gone.
Of course at first we are shocked and so extremely saddened. Unfortunately the sadness just stays and with these holidays just passing the weight of the sadness gets even heavier.
I’ve heard how a death can bring out the best or worst in people and I don’t think I ever quite understood fully what people meant when they said that but unfortunately now I do.
There are many things that I wish I could’ve done differently….if only I would’ve known that I would have you in my life for such a short time I would’ve told you a million more times how much I love you and how much you mean to me. I am so very happy and thankful for the time that we got to spend together when we shared that apartment. I miss all our talks and can hear you now with that great laugh and your cocky, smart-alecky comments.
As sad as I am that we only had you for a short time, I am very proud of all that you were able to accomplish in that short time and it doesn’t need any embellishments to make you something your weren’t because you were great!!!!
I really miss you, your smile, being able to talk to you, hug you and having all those great surprise drop-by visits when you were on your way back home from visiting your dad.

Love you forever,
Uncle Brian

My dear Matthew,
One year ago tonight was the last time I talked to you on a snowy drive to Denver to pick up the kids. You were tired, so we didn't talk long, but I wish now that I would have kept you on the phone for ever.... I miss you so very much. You are always on my mind and often in my dreams, which I always treasure. I miss hearing you tell me that I made the best coffee and seeing your always smiling face. If only we could have known you would be gone too soon. I love you more than words can convey. "Aunty"

My Beautiful child,

In 3 more days it will be one year already!! In six more the day I got the awaful news no one could ever fathom, and in 09 days trhat awful trip to I.D. you at the VA in Denver, and 10 more to the funeral!!! All these dates will not leave my mind. I feel like it was only a week or so ago and still feel like it is actually not true.just that you are away working or serving and myt mind tells me one thing but my heart say's another. I have talked to so many mothers and they all tell me how very long ago and where they are emotionally today...it is all that I have feared and No other one can grasp this unless they are the parent or walked (God forbid) in my shoes. I miss you sooooooooo much and my shattered heart seems like it is never going to heal even a little. YUes, I know you are not suffering but oh my sweet child there is sooooooo much suffering for us who miss you so very much. In each special memory or occassion I thnink we are going to do some things togeteher and today I found in the market a card as if I were going to send you a valentine as always from Loveland, CO!!!! How could I even thiunkn so off the wall I wonder sometimes. My love I just miss you so very very muich. It is just all so wrongh adn I feel so empty, sad adn alone wioth you gone. I hope I will never lose the connection of our girls we both loved so much. I hate to leave them to come home and still I also hope to come visit yt9u soon. I thought some of your cloeset were going to share some memories and share some pics over the holiday, but oinly Heather and I have been in touch. Your desert buddies have been in touchj and well a few family pals we shared. It is just so very hard to move forward as all wouold desire I do. I try hard to hide my pain and hope mostly I do, but some days I feel I will break and shatter beyond repair. I walked and talked to you and prayed lzst weekend after a break in the weather. It was on eof those sort oif mornings we both use to enjoy about 6am when we would walk outside before the rest were awake. That is one thing since I was carrying you , those early am walks for a couple ours just to think and marbvel at all Gods creations. The girls and your mewee and I went to church together this week, the fiorst song was one you bought from the concert with Crystal Lewis and it just sent chills through me, almost like we were menat to be at that service as the place we tried to attend we could not find. So I am guessing we were where we were meant to be. I hope you were present there with us. Ok well may 2008 be kinder to us all. I will always recall 2006 aND 2006 WHEN WE TALKED AND i HAD SUCH AN AWFUL GUT FEELING THAT 2007 WAS GOING TO BE A YEAR i OULD NOT LIKE AND NEVER KNEW WHY BUT MY GUT JUST TOLD ME SO. i MISS OUR TALKS. (YEp ABOUT 19-21 WE TALKED LESS BUT i KNEW IT WAS A PART OF GROWING AND SEPARATING AS WE ALL MUST DO) i JUST THINK OF THE TALKS VER YYOUNG AND THE TALKS AFTER 21!!! i ALWAYUS FELT SO PROUD OF YOU AND OF COURSE YOU KNEW IN ALL MY LETTERS AND ALL THE WORDS i REPAETED SO OFTEN TO YOU. i MISS YOUR STRONG HUGS, AND THOSE GRAND SMILES. i HOPE TO FIND A MEANS TO GET THROUGH THE NEST TWO OR THREE WEEKS, PLEASE SEND ME SOME SIGN. i LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. MOTHER

My Matty,
So It crazy thats it's been a year since I have seen you!! I miss you so much!! A year ago today we where sitting at the Hatch cover in front of the fire place having some drinks.. I wish we where there tonight... I went to see you, left you some kisses and our Christmas picture from this year.. Wish it could have made it to the wallet with the rest of them..I love you so much Matty!! I miss you!!
Love,
Peppermint Patty

My Matty,
I was driving home from work and started thinking to my self that your birthday is this month..All the holidays are coming up to you always made sure that you at least stopped by to see little Keira or at least called.. I miss you so much! I remember your 21st birthday like it was yesterday, everything is just so crazy. It has been about a month that Keira has asked or said anything about you and the other day I went to pick her up from school and we where walking to the car and she asked me " mommy where is uncle Matty?" I think that is the first time she called you uncle. I think it is crazy that she just asks or says things out of no where about you. I miss you oh so much!! I love you my Matty!!
Love your peppermint Patty, And Your little girl Keira

My Darling Son,

TO ALL THE MEN IN HIS LIFE; HE RESPECTED SO MUCH AND NEVER FORGOT
Ken Barr.........................
Steve Sletta...................
Bob who's last name escapes me
Mike Anderson.................
Mike Riggario...................
Wil Thomas......................
Brian Hampton.................
Dan cop/neighbor.............
Most of all Heavenly Father

I have so many things I have written to share or to speak to you, although I know you cannot talk to me. I save them in a word document after I write thinking maybe no one else really wants to hear all this. Then I think I should share with everyone my beautiful beautiful child. Today is grandparent’s day and of course even more memories to reclaim. But I could go on and on with all that goes through my mind daily or hourly even. I will come back later and share some things, but for this moment I am reminded of a conversation we had near the holiday last year about the men in your life and those who truly never let you down. Who were always someone you knew you could count on. I want to share them here with others, as I know how special they were to you and in your life.
Ken Barr ~ you first were a baby sitter for him at age 12 to his two boys, as our neighbors it was good for you and for him. How cool it is to be a boy and have a buddy and a guy for your babysitter! Actually it was like having baby brothers for you and yet someone paid you to do what you already did for free and enjoyed. Little Matt and Ken Jr. You got close to Ken and his wife, but Ken was a real mentor for you and like you said "Ken never let me down" and then we talked about all the things he did and how he was there for you when you needed a man in your life as you entered into the teen times. ( I realized and said yep, that’s much how you were now with my foster boys. We seemed to talk a great deal about kids this last couple years, you were an active role in the little boys I took in for temporary care. Ken Barr, you were a great role model in that fatherhood arena. In particular we talked about the time when Matthew was age 13 and he and Ken were doing a great deal of biking. He was so very proud of his mountain bike. He earned most of the money, I knew he wanted a particular kind of bike so it was my joy to give him what he could not afford, heck I likely could not have done it all alone either. ($800.00) So he got his new bike and you two had planned for a while, a particular weekend to ride from Briargate to Manitou Springs together. He packed his lunch, was eagerly waiting to go, you called to cancel and he was outside so you were going to have me tell him you could not go. It was your way to be a man of word for all three boys, I did not tell him until moments before you came to the door. You had a chance to get out with your friend and golf that day and you had already made plans with "Big Matt" for a guys outing on bikes. He was so excited and I know he would have been hurt had that plan fell through. You thought about it clearly and instead of canceling on him for a passion you had, you canceled golf to meet your commitment to Matthew for a biking trip. In his life he had many broken promises and so he said it really meant a lot to him that his feelings mattered to you and that you had given your word. He told me how far you rode as he put a odometer on his bike, and all I know it was a very long day of peddling for you two with work the next day. For giving him a feeling worth and keeping your promise well, it is a memory he did not forget. Children never forget things they are told or promised he was talking about all the unkept promises many had given him over the years and you Ken never let him down. That is only one story of many he carried about you. Then there was officer Mike ~ aka Big Mike a Colorado Springs cop who lived next door in one of our homes. He took Matthew out for lunch, he was a man of course Matthew looked up to as he was everything Matthew wanted to be when he was grown. Because I did hair for years the kids always had their hair done by there mother. Mike took Matthew to lunch and for his first haircut at a salon. I never let him go but once away alone with a man but he truly was a trustworthy man and Matthew loved Mike like he was part of the family. So big Mike and Matthew went for haircuts and lunch, no females or mommies, just the guys. And Mike Anderson ~ happened to be one of the guys he so looked up to and wanted to be like.
There was also Clinton Tupper ~ a older man like a grandpa a real hands on man. Clinton and Matthew would clean the horse barn out and worked on Tupper’s large garden together. He loved the Tuppers so much. We attended his mothers 100th birthday and Matthew was stuck to her like glue in case she needed to be wheeled in her chair somewhere, he made sure everyone knew her needs and that they were met all the while he was such a young child then. A few years later we had gone to a Tupper family vacation with them to a working farm in NE. Wow it was high tech. not at all what we had visions of when we’d hear the word farmer. Matthew was so excited to join all the men and get up at dawn to get the chores done. Sadly he was just so very young and small to do the things they did, but he really took mental notes of all they had to teach him. He would cling on Mr. Tupper. Mrs. Tupper would have a meal ready for them and it would be from the things they grew and canned. That impressed Matthew that they could eat healthy and save money. It was not long before he wanted his own flower beds and gardens at our house. I should add, Matthew did a great job and the yard was pretty and every fall we would eat the things Matthew had planted. So it was good our family were vegetable and sald eaters. Matthew was really proud when a sald was made entirely by the veggies he planted himself. I would make them in a fancy bowl and we would make great efforts on the presentation, oh how proud my son was. He always planted more than we would consume, but the whole point I guess is that he wanted to share them and he felt good giving away his little crops and telling everyone how much more healthy his home grown food was than the waxed produce in the store. I was as proud of him as he was of his garden. Steve Sletta ~ another man who for about six years Matthew developed a male bond wioth. Steve ~ being a judge yet another man in the legal arena he so loved. Steve could listen and give advice without giving advice. Also you told me you knew when he would tell me to relax or lighten up and not worry because after you two would talk it was obvious that I had talked to him as my opinions were changed or I would in fact lighten up and not worry over small stuff as you put it. You had some problems over an appearance for a ticket that was a traffic thing and you thought your pre-paid counsel would handle as paid to do so. They let you down and Steve was there to direct you on how you should handle it, he never got involved directly but he knew you needed some direction man to man. You said you really liked talking to him. You acted at first like you did not like him at the house and definately not alone with your mother, but then it was the opposite you wanted him around and said you would encourage it. Well, in fact we never were more than really good friends and with a work schedule and other task thats all it ever was. Perhaps this home just had too many other issues , but the fact is you respected him and wanted more of him too in your life. I think there was a friend Bob ~ you mentioned a month before you passed. You said I quote "I really liked that guy" what happened to him? So to all, once again who left an imprint on Matthews life, I thank you. Keep up your sweet honest heart felt behavior. If only more people had heart!!! Then there was another man (also a cop) his elementary school DARE officer Mike Riggario ~ ( I know I hacked up spelling his last name) . Matthew would talk about him all the time after school. He was a Christian and ironically was a man who sang very well and it was christian music, so it made Matthew feel good that he was cool and being a christian was cool too. He sometimes held back his feelings because others would make fun of him, but officer Mike made him feel good about who he was and what he believed. Ironically I recorded this man when Matthew was even younger when working at the Recording Studio for a 2nd job which lasted years longer than planned. Matthew loved to go there and sing. Officer Mike came in one time and recorded some songs that later would be songs he sang when he produced his first CD. It seemed appropriate and fitting to play them songs from that original cassette made twety years ago at Matthew’s funeral service. We would of asked Officer Mike to sing personally but he was doing what Matthew believed in, he volunteered to serve even more so this country and was serving in Iraq. Apparently he sang at a school program a couple DARE songs sang by schools all over in its promotion of the DARE program. Matthew had a sweet voice and he would sing those songs all the time at home. Mike gave him a confidence and let him know it was ok to be a Christian and you could still be cool. Of course again it didn't hurt he was another Colorado Springs Cop and all the role model of who Matthew dreamed of becoming since he was age three. A dream he never changed from age three then began to blossom as he joined the Air Force in Security Forces (a cop) and got to work for OSI a thing he could not tell others (under cover) and who would believe it at his young age. We moved from that house and back into our old neighborhood, would you believe another neighbor Dan ~ was also a cop for the city? And by now Matthew had taken some classes during the school year and attended summer school in two five hour classes on his summer vacation at the college in criminal justice and this neighbor/cop taught criminal justice at PPCC. It was clear to me where he would land in his adult years and that was in the legal arena, a dream he had all his life! Just before my sweet boy passed away he had passed tests for CSPD, he was scheduled to test for the Highway Patrol 3.5 weeks after he had passed away. I still keep his marker board he had on his fridge with the dates for his test. I will come back another time and share another man he looked up to and who always gave him encouragement. (a teacher he had in shop when he went back to public school) To you MEN who gave freely your time, love and kept your word I thank you for what it meant to my sweet Matthew who never forgot anyone of you, as we talked about you just weeks before he passed away. Sadly he also talked about those who let him down and about broken promises from each gender. But I just wanted to share the love and how each of you inspired him over his short years. I appreciate that there are others like you out there to balance out what children from single parent homes need. An honest, caring role model!!! Thank you for always being all that had been absent in his life. I should note here too, he had many uncles and that he would share with me his love for his "Uncle B” as he would call him and that he was close enough that he could even argue like brothers or as brothers and sister can do. He knew he would be loved regardless of things he might express. I know his "uncle B" loved him that much. Hs uncle would share the scriptures with him and he could talk abou this feelings in front of yet another man and not feel awkward or made fun of. Again to all the men who NEVER let him down and kept promises that meant a lot to Matthew, God Bless you each. Matthew complained about liars, cheaters , self centered, lazy and selfish people. You set very high standards for him and I am grateful you were just simply there for him right when he had a need. I have far too many stories about his Big Brother Wil Thomas ~ from the AFA Falcon BB program. This is a man who took it a step farther and was ALWAYS there for Matthew right up to the time Matthew was in Mass., He remained a role model for him. Wil was just about 19 or 20 when he took on the part of a big brother and mentor to my sweet son. Wil kept his loving role and special heart long after his volunteer requirement was over, it was not a requirement, simply his loving soul. He was sincere in every way, another Christian who just happened to be cool to both my kids. He saw him for the last time in 2006 as they both landed in the same region of the country. He was stationed over the place through the Air Force but he never lost touch with Matthew. I could share a lot of stories about Wil too. But again a lot more memories to share. I have so much that goes through my mind but today I just felt like the MEN who were always there for Matthew and truly had an impact until the very end should be acknowledged. I thank each of you, should you ever read this on-line or hear about it. Please know that Matthew NEVER forgot once he grew older and in fact became a man himself. Hw would tell me stories I had well remembered too. I suspect is what made him so good to my foster boys. He understood them so well and had so much love a dozen kids could not take it all........He had a huge heart of Gold. Oh, One more mentor he shared with a few of you and to me was ~ His Heavenly Father . Now he has joined him for eternity. It is so very hard for me in his absence but yes, as many tell me so often and yes I know he is in the arms of his savior. I must say however it does not heal the pain of his gone-ness; just good to know he had that relationship with the most important man and role model ever is a wonderful truth.

God Bless ~ I hope others will write special memories or stories they know about my sweet son before this book is off line, so that I may cherish them forever.

MY Matty!!! I miss you so much!! I think of you everyday more then once and day dream often of all the memories!! All the crazy things you did.. You always knew how to make everyone smile!! I love you MY Matty!!! I will never forget about you!! You meant so much to me, I wish I would have told you more!! Every time I get a joke text message I go to foward it and I scroll down and see your name in my phone and wish I could text message you!! I read the messages I still have from you all the time and wish I just could get one from you saying you love Keira and I but Keira more.. I miss you so much.. Love you so much Matty!!

MEMORIE'S
I have so many memories coming to mind. I remember when you were 14 and you had that beautiful burnt orange italian mountain bike made by sorrell. You were so proud to have paid most of it by yourself. I figured what ever I put down you earned in some manner or another anyway and I of course wanted you to have the best as you deserved it. My hard little worker and helper. I really missed all our projects once you became so mobile. Of course you still let me pick you up after dark (not to be seen picked up or needing mommy to come rescue you from a rain shower,etc.) I loved all the things we did together. I thought about our fishing in a pond on Parliment where I knew there were no fish but, you insisted and so it was a great reason to go buy you Subways, take Sadie and you to the park. You had so much patience. You instructed me to keep very quiet and to keep the dog from barking for fear of scaring away fish!!! Oh my love you were always having so much fun I couldn't convince you that pond had no fish. It was just a great reason to enjoy a picnic for dinner with you and your sweet Sadie. I often could finish a book before you would let us leave. I recall so many great tasks we did together. Like getting wood to do the split rail fence and stop the renters next door from crossing onto "your" property destroying the flower beds. You had done such a great job on the yard with me, plus you had two gardens of veggies in the back and everything grew well except the corn. Colorado just has too short a growing season. But oh how you worked on it every year. I remember how serious you were digging and working on your mulch garden for better soil each year. You had a pretty healthy garden going and of course the flower beds were eye stoppers before we sold that place. Oh I loved that pride you took in all you did. You had a twinkle in your eyes after every project was complete. You painted inside and out with me, we wired the basement, you built from your own hand saw a lovely screen door for the back. Always repairing wind torn slats from the fence out back. I can't think of any job you ever had to be asked for in helping out. The chair rail you built when you finally got Michelle's old room. We installed the water line and you helped me by drilling the hole to pull it up into the kitchen floor near the fridge. Oh yes I recall too that enormous ceiling fan you helped me hold on that vaulted ceiling in the dining room. What a job that was and there is no way I could have done that without your hands on help. I remember how much you liked me needing Bob to come help us with wiring in the basement (your own little pad). It was just a few weeks before you passed you asked me about him. I think that camping trip with him and all the gang was perhaps one of your most enjoyable trips. I still see you and I trying to get out of that tent with only one last item (the lantern) in the back room of the tent. It was whipping us along the beach, a tornado had been spotted. We laughed so hard as it took us down the beach and we were trapped inside such a mess. Then you managed to get out and of course it was time to go chase down the wave runners and boats. You were the first to lend a hand to all the men who by 3 pm were worthless anyway after a few early suds. We hated all the bugs the lights drew near our tent so we would loan the lantern to others knowing that is where the bugs would fly to!! You went off to the toliet area (LOL) and it was hopping at night with tons of frogs, of course I couldn't tell you no, hence we had another pet to add to our household zoo. What a beautiful and perfect cage you made. Now not only did the snake require crickets from the pet store all winter but so did that frog. What a comical room you had in the basement, two birds, a couple snakes, the frog, the gold fish that thrived down there, the dog who loved to taunt the birds, etc. Oh my love you were so full of love for all life. I recall the four bird's in two cages over the kitchen sink (how handy that was for clean up) We were told Finch would not be very good as you could not hold them, they chattered to you and I and I think we even understood them and after a few months they even let us hold them!!!

How you did all those extra little jobs while you had a real job mowing lawns for the empty homes realtors had in our area. I just think how amazing you were for all you accomplished and so young. The construction crews at the new homes loved you and your business mind. You built an adorable lemon aide stand using your wheels from the skate board. It had a great canopy and storage area as well as a locked shelf for your cash. You earned $15 on one very hot day. Dollar stores had not quite caught on yet but you knew the mall had one. That night you took your earnings and bought 13 cookies for $1.00 and the next day sold them for 50 cents each!!! What a business man you were already. Oh my little man, if only you would have played 1/2 as much as you worked!! You had a mind for money and how to earn it fast. I remember enrolling you with the credit union and opened you a "money marshall" account! I think you could have taught that course yourself. It was not just enlightening, you liked going just for the pizza parties. It was not long after the lawn business and your little business cards you made at age 12 that you were working for Liz and Ken in the vendor business. You were there right hand man, doing food prep, set up and cooking in addition to Italian Ice scooping, scheduling the crews, clean up and more. I couldn't stop you. But my 3 month job at the studio became about 6 years, so how could I convince you to take time to play. You had things you wanted to buy on your own. Yep, you were my little man long before those days. We use to have so much fun even though others called our fun work! Remember you hand digging fence pole holes, us renting the roto tiller for the lawn and you were hardly as big as the tiller but you got that baby up and down the slope of our yard with no effort. I bet Advanced auto never had before or since you any worker who knew so much, had great common sense and ability to motivate other workers and reach the "bottom line" $$$. Sort of like the studio the job was fun, it paid us to do something we were enjoying. We bought two really nice tents on all that simple mad money we earned doing odd jobs. (like us cleaning all those mortgage offices for auntie after our day work or school) To see you and Nicky camping made all the purchase's of camping supply worth while. Oh baby I have so many joyful memorie's I can barely slow down the recall to write them properly on here.

I remember the female doctor who lived across from us and she could barely wait until we had finished painting our trim so you could join her in doing her exterior. We set a trend and before we knew it half the neighbors were painting a trendy new palate around the block. She was the only other one you were willing to paint for as she saw your worth and paid you well as others often took advantage of your skills and wanted them for free which you often did give away. But you said hey I am worth something and time is money and you had no time to give freebie's that summer. You had plan's and allowance just was not enough for all you desired for the following year. I have not done the flower boxes this year. It is just not the same without you. But I do have a full flower bed at your marker sight.

Remember when you first started using your funds for tools? I still get all creeped out about that creepy critter between a spider and a scorpian you found hissing in the garage by your work bench. You picked it up with those pliers and it was wild. You took it to PPCC and had it checked out and it was indeed a cross-breed. After an evening of grooming the yard we would have a contest shooting grass hoppers out back. Michelle and I use to do the same thing, but you were the sharp shooter you advised me. Then as the sun cleared over the mountains it was time to shoot some hoops. Now I must say that you were far better at than I. How you could do that on such an angle!!! Oh baby this is just the tip of all the memories the warm weather has reminded me of. I will drop back to share a few Sadie stories you and her made over 16 years. You gave me so much joy and I never imaginged it would cease so soon. I only hope all those parents who didn't have to work two jobs are out there building memories.......you certainly gave me many. You truly brought me so much joy, laughter was never in short supply. No matter what we did some called work we found a ton of reasons to laugh out loud. It is so hard to have a new summer and you are not building more treasure stories. I hope I can have more time with your little angel Keira to continue the journey. Oh baby I miss you so much. Guess I will just have to get on here more and share all that joy you brought to so many. You are still my sunshine--- my only sun shine --- you make me happy when skies are grey. Surely this is long so I will come back to talk to you and share you with others who may have missed some of those younger times.

Matthew I will miss your sweet smile and gentle soul.

LAMENT
(continued from the post below)

Strange how many boys of all ages I notice as they look similar to very much like him will trigger memories. Or two young boys, then I have an inner smile or chuckle as they remind me of a younger Matthew and Nick so full of lfe and humor making evrey day a joy and the gift of God to enjoy motherhood. Always a mother to my own yet many extra children weekends or living with us to love. A great joy I shall cherish always. Only absense now, silence. In a gathering he will always be missing the rest of our live's. Be it three mos., one year or three or four.......that I could live with but NOT FOREVER. Eventually it won't be so raw a grief, presently its so very intense, yes someday I pray it will be less but NEVER to disappear. Again as it should be. I own my grief. I should not "try to get over it", try to dis-own it or start to "move on" or to forget. I do not try to dis-own it. Struggling indeed to go beyond. Part of my NEW IDENTITY is " I AM THE ONE WHO LOST A SON". I cannot and will not dis-own it. I will never forget my son. Lament is part of life.

Matthew was principaled to a fault - A gentle soul, ever so loving and charitable. Eagerly anticipating a call from his friends. Calling his mother to share his ambitions, goals or his accomplishments awaiting those soft spoken words of approval or a pat on the back. Sometimes he'd stop for a suprise vist to share all the above and for guaranteed hugs, a back rub, a home cooked meal and leftovers for taking home. A few more hugs and I love you's. While other's often too busy in their own persuits oblivious to his anxieties and sorrows, unmindful, the beauty of the familar go unremarked.

We simply do not treasure each other enough!

He was a gift to us all who knew him and to strangers as well. That gift( my greatest Blessing)was taken so swift. I can no longer tell him of emails and 30 plus letters and cards of appreciation to have had him in their lives. Every remark so special yet a renewed stab in my heart, making me weep even more than I have already done and continue to do.

How can a mother be thankful for his gone-ness for what he was? The pain of what was, now outweighs the gratitude of what was. The pain of what was it will always be so. You cannot imagine how much you loved him until he was gone. I always knew from that very rough start that I loved him so much. It just grew and grew. (I have not been able to write but I have much I have hand written so I will continue on another post of "LAMENT"

I love you my "TUFFY".
All my heart and soul you are with me every second 24 hours every day.

Love,

My Dear Matthew,

I have so much I want to say but not today I guess. Except that I MISS YOU SO VERY MUCH and my heart still aches for you to just drop by. Every white Chevy truck I see I think of you dropping by. I have counseling and stuff to help, but the pain lingers and I would not want to not feel so it is ok to hurt. It is what I feel. Everyone misses you so much. I spent a lot of hours with you over the holiday week. They messed up the front of your marker but we will have that corrected. Your bench is beautiful and everyone stops to read your cousins poem! I LOVE you my sweet son and ALWAYS will. You are in my thoughts every second 24 hrs. Well lots to say but not today.

My Matty,
I miss you so much..Keira told my mom yesterday that she was going to marry you and her and I where going to go to heaven and live with you..So sad but so cute..She comes out of the blue with things. She had her dance pictures the other day Matty she is so cute. She has her dance recitial next weekend You are suspose to be here for all theese things and it sucks that you are not.. I remember us talking about her growing up and all the stupid stuff kids do.. You where so good to her and I thank you for that, but I just wish you where here to see her on her frist recitial or her first school dance, I could so see you sitting on the couch waiting for her date to pick her up and telling the guy,"come on kid lets go talk" And you would walk out side and light up a cig. and tell him he better watch his step..I miss keira coming up to me when you where on the phone with me and Keira yelling that she wanted to talk to matty! I love you so much, I think about you everyday more then once.Miss ya Matty!! Miss the voice messages and text messages on my phone to!! I love you so much and miss you!!

Linda,
You have my deepest and most heart
felt sympathy at the loss of your
son. To lose someone so young is
indeed devastasting. May God grant
you the strengh and comfort that
you need to carry you through these
difficult times. Please remember
you are in my thoughts and prayers.
You may e-mail me at anytime.
Love and God Bless
Linda (Hammack) Manchester

It just doesn't get any easier, I miss you so very much. You leave me many memories as well as many tears.

I sat 7 hours with you on mothers day but this year no card! I went two more time and it is better to see sod than all that sand. Oh my baby I miss you so soo much. I pray more now than I could allow myself to in the earlier days. I just do not know how to accept this yet, you were so much my joy..........how do I tell Nick the night he got on that plane for Iraq again and after you two missed each others call 40 minutes apart that you are no longer here? You two were so much fun for teenage guys..always fun and always kept me busy to Young Life or Bustillo Mexican resurant to eat until the meetings, to work for a special event with Liz. Trips to PPCC for the two of you. The days/nights on the swing you bought, and lots of fun. Oh my love I am so lonely and feel pretty much what you said. I am so sorry how much your heart hurt and how your mother missed it. I LOVE YOU so very much. I will be back to talk to you soon sweetie.

My Sweet Sweet Matthew,

I cried again a lot last night, today is the 13th, it must be my subconsious but every month the worst day seems to be right on the 13th. ( I cannot believe it is 3mos. today as it feels like last night to me, so fresh) I ache and cry every day but I try to hide it from everyone who seems to have been able to move on. I know it is maybe what we are suppose to do, but I can't. I can't understand the loss of you so young and to leave before your parent.

I wrote something to you but erased it because I only wanted to say it to you privately. But maybe you are able to know or feel what we are feeling on earth who knows.

I just LOVE and miss You so VERY MUCH. I feel so alone since you passed. It hurt so much to see you on that table in a hospital gown, yet I just wish that I had held on to you longer, knowing it would be my last time to touch you. I regret everyday every minute I am awake. It was like you were asleep and reminded me of the hospital when I held your hand and you squeezed mine so hard. I wish I could hold you now and have one more hug. I recall the scent of you when you gave me a hug. I hold your jacket and the scent of you is still there. I will never wash it.

I hope you knew your life impact on us all. You are Gods most special of projects to me. I love you sweetie.

Oh Matty,
I miss you so much..I love you!!
Your peppermint Patty

Oh Matty,
I miss you! I think about you often and talk about you to. Keira talks about you to, I really hope she can always remember you even if it is only through pictures. You where great to both of us! I know eveything in life happens for a reson, I just wish I knew why?! Well I am going out to Mass. in may and hopefully see why you loved it so much out there. I should of went a year ago like I was spose to, but can't change the past even though I would like to. I really hope you knew how much of a difference you made my life, and how much we really did care about you! We have great memories with you that I will never forget! I love you so much Matty! Love your Peppermint Patty and Keira

My Darling son,

I had a very hard time crying late all night last night just out of no where the flood gates opened and today I realized it is the 23rd! I know you are at peace but I think I may never find peace again. I miss you so much my love, just wish I could hear you laugh, be sarcastic, mumble when you were too tired to talk or to complain about work(which probably meant you were happy being busy) Or to tell me how much you cared about Liane, etc. Just to hear you say anything.....I miss you so very much. I cannot wait to get back and visit with you and stare up at your mountain. I was playing "go rest high up on that mountain" your work on earth is done.................(but why so soon?) You sure did always work far too hard. I hope you are resting for that one day special we all will see in time.

Your lil ladies are growing fast and Keira still loves your cookie cop! They had a great uncle, I only wish they could have known you as they grew up. I know you loved the twins and hope you are looking down keeping angels arms around them.

I love you my sweetie, you are still my sun shine!

All my love,

My sweet Matthew:
The sun is shining and it is beautiful today, the kind of day I know you loved. I somehow feel that you are watching over us, especially on nice days like this. The new song "Wish You Were Here" by Mark Harris, talking about how beautiful Heaven is makes me start to cry each time I hear it, until I hear YOU say "Don't cry Aunty, I'm happy". I love and miss you so much! as we all do, but you're always just a thought away, bringing a smile to my face once again, remembering the love and hugs you so freely gave:-) Keep watching over us until we can be together again to drink some coffee and eat your favorite cereals.....I love you!

My Dear Tuffy,

I have missed visiting with you lately. A few days seems like a long time. Things are NOT getting any easier. I just want to join you some days and talk. I love you my sweetie and I miss you awful. I have never felt more alone than since our talks have stopped 1/13!

My Darling beautful son,(our "Tuffy")

I was out to visit you today. Guess the winds took away the beautiful r/w/b flowers someone had left you last week. I picked up you and Keira's picture and set it in better. Someone dis-respected your space and left lots of footprints so I took a shovel and raked and tidyed up your space and cried so hard. I sat a while with you as the sun was so bright and I know you love sunny days. Oh my baby I miss you so badly. Every day I look into your eyes on your big photo and I take the little one to bed with me and look at you every time my eyes are open. Today was a very hard day as your death certificate arrived and to see you my sweet baby's name on there hit me like a train.

Oh my love you are so missed by so many. There are so many still asking about you. For me I think of things we might be doing about now to get ready for that March trip. Or the plans you and Leanne might be making for a couple weeks from now. How do I ever accept this? I miss you so very much, your quirky smile, that sense of humor. I think of how many folks you've touched. Oh my sweet boy I will never believe I can stop aching over losing you so and so young. You had more purpose than you ever realized I think. GOD I love you my angel. I pray you have the peace you so longed for.

Oh Tuffy, I love you and miss you SO much.

Matthew,
It has been one month since we found out that you are no longer with us. Not a day goes by that I don't close my eyes and see your smiling face that could light up a room. I think about all the times that you made us laugh when we were together for another family gathering. I can see you sitting at the bar in Aunty's house with your hat backwards and your glasses and your handsome smiling face. I miss watching you with Brandon and Emily. They loved you so much and enjoyed playing around with you. You brought joy to soooo many people and I truly miss seeing and talking to you. Matthew I love you and wish that you were still here blessing us with your awesome personality.

My Sweet Tuffy,

Your temporary marker was placed today. You also rec'd more flowers.

I sat a while and read your books and looked at your space. It is still not real, but then it is where I go to talk to you now.

You were suppose to be in the Springs yesterday and tomorrow taking that State Patrol test. Now, you are not coming and it has hit me real hard that you won't be coming down to vist anymore. Well, maybe your spirit will be here whispering to us. And giving us that beautiful smile my love. My angel, we miss you so very much. I still wonder if I am ever going to recover from the loss of my sweet child. I have lost many relatives all my life, but there are no words to tell you how painful to lose my dear sweet baby son who battled so hard to surrive theh challenges you faced. I wouldn't change one minute of those month's around the clock every two hours to pump so you could have 2 cc's to fill your tiny lil self. Oh, what a "TUFFY" you were and continued to be all your years. I can't wait to see you in heaven. Now you are in the Lord's Army!

I miss you terriably my love. Just wanted you to know that you have had lots of company every day at your grave sight. I will see you again in a couple days and try to come back on here and either talk to you or maybe I will share a story about you. Something endearing. I am sure many have some sweet special story to share about you. You are my sunshine...STILL and always.

Mother

My Darling Tuffy,

I have been every day to visit you. I saw Keira and you in a PIC frame tonight. I cried. Auntie was with me. On Monday your temporary marker will be installed. It is the hardest thing for me to go there and realize this is for my darling son...I want to just think I am taking care of details of business at hand. But then I realize this is for you......oh my heart is aching. I think well in a few days, like you said "I will see you on the 13 Feb. mother" And it is almost here but I haven't talked to since the four calls we had on the Jan.12th and 13th. So the time lapse seems normal but by next week I guess I will have to accept that you are not coming. OH. God how do I accept this?

I went to the doctors three times since you passed (no big deal just per usual huh?) But today they talked me into taking a med that I melt on my tongue and it helped me with my uncontrolled crying within 15 mins. that was good as it helped me to visit you. Perhaps tonight I will even sleep and you will come talk to me in a dream like everyone else talks about experiencing. OH MY BABY I MISS YOU SO MUCH, MY HEART HAS SUCH A HUGE HOLE no one can ever fill.

I know you are at peace, but I wonder did you imagine how many would not have peace losing you? You clearly mean so much to so many. I know it had to be your time or God would not have called you home so young. I guess they need some younger handsome angels up there too, not just all of us old sickly types all wrinkled and tired. I'm sure you are a shining star and with that beautiful smile, no matter what body he gave you a new. That was your charm amoung many. Oh my sweet miracle blessing I miss you so badly and feel so lost and lonely. I am at friends as being home is not good for me right now (per the docs) because you are every where and now so are a few of the things last cleaned up your dad sent to uncle B.
I am just not ready or able to go through it all just yet. Josh help open and check for the things Mewee wanted, and then we cried and left the house to view another time. As I said before, surely would not want to return to this earth and all the perils of the present times. I am babbling as you would say about now. I wanted and needed to speak to you. Oh my love I just keep thinking you will pop in the door, run to "the room" and laugh about leaving the seat up...and of course I wouldn't complain because I would be so happy to see your smiling face. If you recall that was one of the near to last things you did on your last visit and then you fixed the water flow and took a shower. Thanks for the removal of that water restriction by the way. I can rinse this mass of hair easier. You always were the little handy man around the house for years. Now what will I do? I have to wait for uncle Bill to visit and fill in for you on the tool time stuff.

I found you have marks in a few of your bibles so I am going to read over them tonight before bed.

Good night my Love
Mother

Matt,
You have always been like a brother to me. You have always been there for all of your friends and you did the same for me. I knew that I could call anytime, day or night. You have made so much progress in your life. I watched you grow from a rambuctious youg kid, to a very respectable young man. You served your country with pride. I am proud and maybe envious of how well you done. I miss you so much. You were my rock when things went wrong. You were my "brother" and I feel very bless to have knowen such a kind hearted young man. To this day, I can't understand why you went so soon. Take care Matt!

Matt, i miss you and love you so much

My thoughts are with you. May your hearts soon be filled with wonderful memories of joyful times together as you celebrate a life well-lived.

Richard

Oh my darling son,

I don't know if I am to the point to express all I want to say to you or share all the most cherished memories Michelle and I hold.

My heart aches and is shattered as is your "mewee's". Today Josie forced me to take that first step and leave the house.

My darling if you only realized just how much you impacted the hearts of so many. We did not get the chance to tell too many of your friends and those who were so close to our family. (but you brought many to your service) Clearly from all the various states, word's of our deep sorrow has gotten around. You are so special my darling as I had always told you and it is very apparent. Your sissy and I have been trying to talk but presently it is all so fresh and so very painful. I talked to a couple friends you are already aware of who too passed this year at such a tender age. I MISS YOU SO MUCH my Love. I just pray for God to show me how to go on without my "TUFFY". I will try to share with others and as will Chel all the fond memories we hold of your short 24 years. (there are many) Oh. my baby I just wish I could have understood better of what you spoke of over the last several weeks of what you were clearly were trying to express.

I know as you wrote indeed God has a plan. I pray it is all clear now, I know you would never want to come back to this world of sin and the ugly state it is in. I look forward to the day when we all get to heaven............What a glourious day that will be. I will come back to talk to you my love, and often. For now my eyes are so filled with tears and my head is not clear as to all I desire to say to you.

I wish to thank all those who have written such lovely and supportive remarks in here to you as well as to the family. YOU ARE SO LOVED my sweet child.

I will soon add your favorite tunes and some very special photo's.

I know you are here when I am unable to sleep, as things pop up that I fully had forgotten...........so I know you are going to keep us laughing as you always have. I think of you and Nicky at 14 to about 10 where you would give me a side ache for days just laughing every day. I long for those side aches right now. You have and always be my joy, my miracle my Blessing and perhaps one of my better accomplishments besides your "mewee".

Remember " YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE, YOU MADE ME HAPPY WHEN SKIES WERE GREY, YOU'LL NEVER KNOW DEAR, HOW MUCH I LOVED You................
OH GOD how much I love and miss you my angel.

Love,
Mother

(I loved that you called me "mother" not ma or mom..it was your way) May our Heavenly Father give you the peace you so deserved and longed for)

Linda and Michelle,

We are so sorry for your loss. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

Al and Debbie Angle

My dear Matty,
Thank you for all of the great memories and the love you so freely gave. There aren't enough words to tell you how much I miss you, but I'm sure you already know how much you are loved and missed by everyone in our family. Watch over us until we can all be together again. I love you.....Aunty

Matt, I will miss you so much I cant believe this has happened to you. Im definatly sorry to all the family that this happened so early in life. I will miss you always and forever Matty.

Linda,

I am deeply saddened to hear of your loss. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. May God bless and keep you all.

Love and Light,

Ann and Tabetha

Michelle & Linda,
I am very sorry for your loss and the difficult time you are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

We are so sorry for your loss. We did not know Matt well but remember him as Michelle's happy, smiling brother from his visits years ago.

Our wishes of comfort and love for you Matthew, your family and friends. God Bless.

Michelle & Linda,

Our thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time. We are so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to the both of you.

Matthew,
Such a kind and gentle soul with such ambition and motivation. You are the type of person who makes me want to live my life more fully. May the Lord be with you in heaven.

To Matthew's Family and Friends,
We will be thinking of you during this difficult time and wishing you happiness from all the memories you hold. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Matt,
I am glad I got the chance to know you. You were always a joy to be around. I hope you have found the peace you deserve. Your loved ones are and will remain in my prayers.

We extend our deepest sympathies to Matthew's friends and family in this time of great sorrow.

Wishing you peace and solace,

Dear Michelle & Linda,
We all send our love and condolence to you and your family. We pray that God will give you courage and strength at this time. Matthew was such a sweet young man and we have such fond memories of him. We know that he is in the best of care in heaven with our Heavenly Father and Jesus and one day we will all see him again! What a wonderful day that will be for all of us!
With Love and Prayers Always,
Barbara, Chris, Scott & Matthew

Oh Dear Matthew,
What happened to you? I am so shocked and saddened. Your eternal optimism and entrepeneurial spirit is an inspiration to all who knew you. Be at peace. I'll miss you and I'll be there for your Mom.
Goodbye Buddy.

Matthew (Tuffy),

I will miss you more than words can express. You were such a great brother and I am glad that we have so many memories together that I can carry with me until I see you again! You always made me laugh, and sometimes cry... I will miss it all! Please keep us safe. I love you always!!! God Bless!

Your sister, Michelle (Mewee)

"And shepards we shall be
for thee my lord for thee
power hath descended forth from thy hand
that feet may swiftly cary out thy command
so we shall flow a river forth to thee
and teeming with souls shall it ever be
in nomine patri, et fili,et spiritus sancti."I will live the life god had set for both of us,you are a brother,and I will miss you..
Love your cousin,
Danny

Dear Linda,
My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for your loss. I am not sure what I would do in your shoes, but life must go on. I am sorry that my new job has been keeping me from being there for you. I will be in touch soon. Much Love.

To Linda & the Hampton Family,
My deepest sympathy on the loss of Matthew. Too lose a child, a loved one, is heartbreaking. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you all.

Linda, Our deepest sympathies on your loss. He may be gone physically, buy he will never leave your heart or your memories.

Matthew,
Though we will never understand why you left us so early, we are all missing you so much already. I am sorry we lived so far apart because I didn't get to spend as much time with you as I wanted. Each time I did get to see you was so special though. I had so much fun with you last August and March and I will cherish those memories forever! I am proud to say you are my nephew and proud to see that you had so many friends. The service yesterday, though gut wrenching for all of us, was a testament to how much you were liked and loved by so many...that will always be a proud moment for your family. This visit to Colorado will be a sad memory, but I am so glad I was able to be here for your mom and to see you one last time. I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!

Aunt Tammy from Michigan

Linda,
I am sorry to hear about your loss. I last seen Matt a couple years ago when I was visiting for Thanksgiving. I remember about 7 years ago when him and Nick would be working on the Bug and always goofing around.
Take care,

To Linda and the Hampton family , my thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time.

Linda,
My heart goes out to you and your family.

To Matt's family and friends I offer my deepest sympathies. I didn’t know Matt very well, but I do recall his warm smile and sense of humor.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. God bless

Dear Matty,
I will always remember your handsome smile. I love and miss you a bunch. I guess I will see you in Heaven.
With ALL my heart,
Your cousin Emily

Mattu,
You are very special to me and always will be in my heart and prayers. I love you buddy and will see you in heaven.

Matthew,
I miss your smiling, handsome face. You had grown into a wonderful young man who was a joy to be around. We didn't have near enough time with you and I will miss you forever. I will see you in heaven. I love and miss you!

Matthew,you were the son I never had.You were one of the easiest people to talk to and joke around with. There really are no words to describe how deeply we ache to see your smiling face again and we will see you in Heaven.We will miss and think of you everyday.WE LOVE YOU, Uncle Brian and Aunt Natalie

To the Hampton Family,
Our thoughts and prayers are with all of you during this time of great sadness and loss. Matthew was a terrific guy and we know he will be missed by so many. Know that you will see him again and may God help you to carry your burden of grief.

Very truly,

Melinda, Scott and Eric Hampton

Matt:

You will be missed very much. We will see you in heaven.

Pat and Amanda Schemel

Matthew,

I have many memories of you and me as kids, usually getting into some kind of trouble. They will stay with me always. I know our whole family loves you and misses you beyond expression. That will never change.

Love, Carrie Anne

Mattie,
Words can not express how much you are loved and will be missed. Your smile and laughter, silly pranks, serious talks.... all that is you will always remain in my heart. You will never be forgotten only loved and missed. I know your spirit will remain close to all of those you loved. I pray for happines in your continued journey. Love Always,
Elaine