Vivien Kilner Obituary

Vivien Elizabeth Kilner passed away peacefully on April 5, 2025, at Haven House in Marin County, California. She was 85.

Vivien was born in Batavia, New York on February 24, 1940, to Floyd and Pearl Rider Kilner. Her given name, which means "full of life," perfectly captures her vibrant personality and adventurous spirit. She graduated from Batavia High School and married Roger Byington Carr at Batavia Emmanuel Baptist Church in January 1960, with Roger's father, Rev. Homer Florence Carr, officiating.

The young couple lived in Gainesville, Florida, while Roger pursued his Ph.D. in physics and astronomy. They welcomed Heather to the family in February 1967 and Scot in December 1969. Vivien especially treasured the years they spent in Northfield, Minnesota, where Roger taught astronomy at Carleton College. Frequent research trips took them to Kitt Peak National Observatory in Tucson, Arizona, and Vivien loved hosting faculty parties at their home.

They later settled in Alfred, New York, where Vivien grew much of their food in her garden, sewed clothes for the children, and developed photographs in her own darkroom. She earned her Bachelor's (1976) and Master's in Education (1984) from Alfred University while working as a secretary in the Psychology department. The family enjoyed many adventures, including cross-country skiing in the woods behind their house, camping out at sailing races and regattas around the Finger Lakes, and spending two winters on San Salvador Island in the Bahamas.

In 1985 Vivien moved to Northern Virginia, where she worked for the US Patent Office in the human resources department. After she and Roger parted ways, she built an independent life, earning her Myers-Briggs certification, enjoying cultural events in DC, and cycling, camping, and hiking in the Blue Ridge Mountains.

Vivien traveled to Europe for the first time in 1989 and arranged to meet her high school pen pal, Damjan Tepina – the beginning of an unexpected new chapter. Within a year, she had sold her belongings and moved to Yugoslavia. They married in December 1990 and moved to Damjan's family home in the picturesque town of Bled, just days before Slovenia declared independence.

After briefly returning to Arlington for a few months when the war intensified, she adapted quickly to life in Bled. She worked to learn a challenging new language and expand her cooking repertoire to include ricet and other local specialties. When she requested a turkey for Thanksgiving and it arrived with feathers intact, her resourcefulness prevailed and she prepared a perfect feast. She continued her HR work, consulting with DHL and other companies, improving Myers-Briggs translations, and teaching seminars and conversational English. She loved hiking in the parks and forests of the Julian Alps, exploring the cultural treasures of Ljubljana, and trips across the border to Croatia, Italy, Austria, and beyond.

When Vivien returned to Washington, DC in 1997, she moved to the Potomac Plaza and played an instrumental role in transforming the rooftop into a beautiful garden of herbs, plants, and flowers where all residents could enjoy sunsets and 4th of July fireworks. Her apartment showcased her eye for design and featured striking black and white photographs she had taken during her walks, hikes, and travels.

She joined Western Presbyterian Church, where she served as Deacon and Elder and volunteered with Calvary Women's Services and Miriam's Kitchen. She supported social justice causes throughout her life and served as an election observer in Azerbaijan.

In keeping with her name, Vivien lived a full, vibrant life well into her 70s. She regularly cycled the 40-mile round trip to Mount Vernon along the Potomac and tackled the steep 4,100-foot climb of Mt. Si in the Cascade Mountains at age 73. She continued her career counseling work with retiring foreign service officers and served as an usher at the Kennedy Center. She traveled whenever she could – to New Zealand, Peru, Vietnam, South Africa, Costa Rica, Nicaragua, Bali, Portugal, Panama, and many other destinations.

Vivien took great delight in her role as "Grammy" to Heather's children, Olivia and Sam, and "Oma" to Scot's children, Zoë and Tate. She contributed generously to their college educations, attended soccer tournaments and dance performances, and nurtured their interests in photography and travel. She celebrated her 80th birthday with family in Seattle just before the pandemic, and in 2021 she moved to California. Heather lived nearby and visited frequently, and she was surrounded by family in her final days.

Vivien is survived by her daughter Heather Leigh Carr and partner Paolo Foggini of San Rafael, California; her son Kennet Scot Carr and wife Catherine Carr of Seattle, Washington; and grandchildren Olivia Milena Whitfield, Samuel Carr Whitfield, Zoë Frances Carr, and William Tate Carr.

Vivien touched countless lives with her radiant smile, her enthusiasm, and her remarkable ability to make friends instantly. As her former pastor John Wimberly noted, "Few live life as fully and joyously as Vivien." In lieu of flowers, the family suggests donations to Heifer International or Miriam's Kitchen in Washington, DC – or honoring Vivien's memory by visiting a new place, making friends with a stranger, or appreciating the beauty of a tree outside your window. A Celebration of Life will be held October 25, 2025 at 2:00 pm at Western Presbyterian Church in Washington, DC.