Cathey Wagner Obituary

On July 8, 2025, beloved wife, mother, “Nanny”, sister and friend, Cathey Wagner was called to Heaven.

Born Catherine Agnes Downey, (Agnes after her mother) on October 5th, 1947, she believed her name was Kathleen until high school, because that was what her father Lawrence called her. Cathey is survived by her husband Gerald, her children Jeanne Cavale, Aaron (and Julie) Wagner, Meaghan (and Tom) McDermott and Sarah Wagner, and preceded in death by her son Michael Cavale. She is also survived by many grandchildren who she deeply loved and to whom she was known as Nanny or “Lady Nana”, Aubrey, Zoe, Mia, Hannah, Brooklyn, Taylor, Wyatt, Kellen, Owen and Maddison. Cathey was the youngest of five siblings: Anne, Philip and Peggy preceded her in death, and is survived by her brother, Lawrence “Skip” Downey.

Cathey was born in Bayside, Queens and was fiercely proud of that. She was a devoted friend who sustained many friendships that she made in childhood, attending Catholic school, playing stickball, dancing the twist and visiting White Castle. She was strong and independent and kept many things close to her chest. Cathey married her first husband Michael Cavale in 1968, and had her “Irish Twins” Michael and Jeanne. After the loss of her husband and son, she met her husband Gerald in Southampton, where she lived with her daughter Jeanne and he lived with his son Aaron. Jerry worked on her teal blue convertible Volkswagen Beetle and went on their first date to a bar named “Meaghan’s”. They married in May, 1981. Meaghan and Sarah came later and the rest is history.

Cathey became a maternal head of household to a blended family before “blended family” was ever a term and she did so to the best of her ability at all times. The family settled in Port Jefferson village in 1985. She was a homemaker for several years but dabbled in continuing education, learning how to be a manicurist and also completing a mysterious course in “Word Processing”. A creative and artistic soul, Cathey sewed, made chocolate gifts, knit, crocheted and left doodles on any paper she had at hand. She organized creative birthday parties where the guests would complete crafts, bob for apples and take lawn tractor hay rides. She was even known to be the Girl Scout Cookie Mom at least once. As her children got older, Cathey took on part time jobs at the Port Jefferson Free Library and at the popular department store Sweezey’s in the kid’s department of the Setauket branch. There she used her generous discount to make sure her children had the most fashionable clothes. In the late 90’s, Cathey accepted a position as a receptionist at Pax Christi, a branch of Hope House Ministries. There she was gatekeeper of the phone, filed important documents and collected “Bad Cat” photos. She proudly held her position for over thirty years, even working from home through the COVID shut downs. When encouraged to retire by her daughters, her independent streak flared up, and she insisted she continue to work. She loved her job and everyone she had the pleasure to work with.

Cathey loved beautiful things, and she could see the beauty in the weird and the quirky, as she was sometimes weird and quirky. Her style was eclectic… part hippie, part biker and all cool. She could be called upon in a hearbeat to pick up a sick child from school, make her famous macaroni salad or have a good time- she was excellent at Cards Against Humanity. She was a lover of peace, equality and fairness. Her family asks you to celebrate Cathey by doing one of the things that she loved:

Pet a cat, hug a teddy bear, eat a jelly munchkin or a stale Peep, take a birthday shot or drink a glass of prosecco, hug and kiss your children and grandchildren, take a walk on a beach or in the snow, clip some hydrangea, stop in for a Tara burger, drive a cool car, get a facial, ride on the back of a motorcycle, listen to a long audiobook or some Neil Diamond, play Words with Friends, sit on the porch or just stay in your pajamas.

Donations is to be made in honor of Cathey Downey Cavale Wagner to Hope House Ministries https://www.hhm.org/donate-online/