Edmund Cantilli Obituary

Edmund J. Cantilli

Pops, a life

Upon the death of my father at age 98, I'm confronted with the question: who was he and what was the measure of his life?

Early life

He was a shy, curious child of the Depression, born in 1927, in New York City to two Italian immigrants. He had a much older brother, James, who he looked up to and followed through life. He didn't remember his mother much because she died when he was young. He said his father was hard on him, but he remembers him being musical playing the guitar. I never forgot how he said he was lucky to get an orange in his stocking at Christmas.

His father died when he was 12 and he and his brother became orphans. They were either in orphanages or passed among relatives. When WW2 arrived, it was an opportunity to get away from orphanages and overburdened relatives. His brother joined the army and he followed suit as soon as he could. He was in the tail end of the war and was being prepped for a million-man invasion of Japan when the atomic bomb was dropped. He was subsequently stationed in Germany during the post war occupation and followed his brother to Trieste, Italy where his brother was responsible for keeping the peace and rebuilding Trieste.

Trieste played a big role in his life because this is where he met our mother, Nella, a native Triestine, who was doing secretarial work. They married at age 21 in 1948 and were married for 62 years until her death in 2010. While it was initially hard for Nella to acclimate to the US, they had a long happy union raising three children and traveling. She supported him throughout his studies and career.

My father brought our mother home to New York City in 1950 and, with the GI bill, was able to get a college education at Columbia University and Yale. He became a civil engineer and eventually worked for the NY Port Authority. He told me he gravitated to transportation: roads, bridges, ports, airports and tunnels, and said he was responsible for signage at JFK airport. He started to see flaws in the system (along with his unsung pal Joe Linko) and wanted to make roads and all forms of transportation safer. This became a lifelong pursuit and he became an expert in this area. He initiated a study in which drivers would leave their car headlights on while driving. The Running Lights study showed that cars with headlights on got into fewer accidents than those that didn't have them on.

We started to see a trend in his life: he looked to make things better and safer and fought traditional thinking that was outdated and ultimately unsafe. I can't tell you how many times he would point out dangerous roadside hazards when I was in the car with him. So much so, that now I always notice them.

Another trend: he wanted to learn more about everything and he had no patience for boring, unenlightened bureaucracies. He left the Port Authority in 1969 to pursue a Doctorate at the Polytechnic Institute of Brooklyn, now NYU. He also became a professor, which was a big leap for a self-described painfully shy child and adult. One of his biggest lessons to me was that in order to grow, you have to challenge yourself to do things that you consider difficult or outside your comfort zone. I took that lesson to heart in my career.

He eventually became restless with teaching and annoying egotistical bosses and formed his own company – Urbitran, and then created an Institute for Safety in Transportation. This speaks to another trend: he couldn't stay with one thing for very long. New ideas/ventures distracted him and set him on new courses. It was a combination of extreme mental curiosity and a need for freedom that propelled him.

His passions?

He loved languages – Italian, French, German

He loved Italy and his Italian American heritage

He loved Italian food, especially pasta, veal and Parmesan cheese

He loved wine

He loved old movies

He loved teaching us everything under the sun

He loved reading and writing – authored several books

He loved being home after a long day at the office

He loved words, etymology, and translating literature from Italian to English and vice versa.

His later life

He never really retired and that may be a secret to his longevity. He continued to work as an expert safety consultant and even became a trusted expert witness in court on accident cases throughout the country. Whether it was accidents with cars, trains, planes or pedestrians, he was called constantly to help lawyers make their cases in court.

The final years

The once brilliant man became forgetful and a touch paranoid once our mother died. Around age 85, Alzheimer's began to take hold and eventually he couldn't remember our names or who we were. Despite his difficulties, he seemed happier and at peace with his condition. He would even laugh at our jokes. Who knows if he got the jokes? My last happy memory is playing music for him with my sister, Teresa, and her friend Amber. It seemed to animate him and got him smiling again even though he couldn't communicate with us anymore. That will be my lasting memory of him.

One final gift from our father came when we discovered our half-brother, Duane, through DNA testing about 10 years ago. We're so happy to have Duane in our family.

He lived a full life, followed his passions and art, and brought innovations to his chosen profession: a modern renaissance man. He was a beloved professor to his students. Many of them remained in touch with him for years.

He was a good father, always trying to teach us new things and helping us with our studies. He provided for us and opened our eyes to new cultures. He took us to Italy and England while we were school age. The lessons we learned while traveling through Europe were much more meaningful than book learning.

We will miss him holding court at the dinner table as he opined on the origin of words, the intricacies of Italian cuisine, his latest accident cases, his recent trips to Italy, and his love of Italy.

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